No Plans

After our hellish drive yesterday, we decided that our last day in Provence would include no plans. As in, ZERO, as there is nothing else to do here but drive somewhere else. For those of you that know Ryan and/or have been following this blog for more than two years, you'll realize how much the boy has chilled out. There was a time (as his mother and sister can attest, having travelled with us overseas) that every minute of everyday on a vacation was accounted for and we were on the go constantly. I was looking forward to this day and was more than happy it had arrived but I started to worry at about 9:00 a.m., when we had been up for several hours reading, and he started deep breathing. Over the last five years, I have become attuned to this sound, much like the growl of a lion or hiss off a goose. The animal is about to freak out. In the case of the Ryanus Kaltious, it's to alert other parties that he needs to be entertained. I'm more than happy to report that it's close to 5:00 p.m. and so far so good, thanks in part to the litre of vodka we bought at Galleries Lafayette in Nice.

Now, I've got to give Ryan some credit. I am more than happy to read a book from the time I get up until I go to bed. History has taught me that Ryan, on the other hand, needs a hell of a lot more entertainment. Currently, the boy is edgy and ready to move on. The first blow came at dinner last night. After reading a challenging menu, he decided that he would start his meal with a Fois Gras Terrine. He had eaten the terrine before and found it... marginally acceptable... in Canada... As far as he was concerned, it was the hippest thing on the menu. Surely there would be enough herbs and spices mixed throughout that the wine would mask any of the nastiness long enough to concentrate on the main course. Unfortunately, this didn't happen. Here's a picture of the dish after he was finished with it, complete with a bright yellow piece of duck fat he had scrapped off looking for something edible:
I was hearing the same sounds I normally do when he shoves the electric toothbrush too far back in his throat. A gagging that produces an unsightly splatter. (Ryan here-the taste wouldn't go away, 1/2 hour later I could still taste it, $35 for this!!) I finished my prawns and offered him some. The duck liver was bad enough to convince him that he was suddenly, totally into seafood. Unfortunately for him, I was oblivious to his situation and had snarfed enough of my meal before I had looked up, wiped my chin, and offered him some.

The next blow came after dinner as we crawled into bed. There was a scorpion on our wall. Now, don't get me wrong. It might bother me, too... but it would need to be larger than a pencil eraser to rattle me and the book I was reading was a sufficient tool to destroy the thing (F-you PETA if you think we're sleeping in a room with scorpions). At breakfast the next morning, I noticed they were crawling all over the place. At the risk of looking like queens, we switched tables in the empty bistro to a vacant table and breathed a sigh of relief.
Once breakfast was over, we retired to our terrace. For the first time in a long time we used our good camera and tripod to capture the moment. We both couldn't have been happier. I was finishing a book recommended by one of my favourite people and Ryan, soon after this photo was taken, was reading a book recommended by another favourite person, giggling hysterically at the authour (you'll notice I said after this picture was taken... when I convinced him to read something more than Vogue).
We spent the rest of the day dining on half-assed, overpriced Croque Monsuier (I'll get in trouble for describing it this way because the side of mayonnaise convinced Ryan it was TO DIE FOR)... and lounging at the pool, where I actually showed some of my bits.
We also spent the day reading. I thought I'd give my two cents on the books I've read so far. All by recommendation, some are worth the read and some are not. Here we go:

• A Year In Provence by Peter Mayle: It's a quick read but not something I'd recommend unless you're willing sift over multiple pages describing a black truffle. It's saving grace, for me, was the fact that I am here. If not, look for something else.
• Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris: Hilarious. Having said that, I'm guessing a portion of the humour comes from the fact we're gay and can relate. Regardless, he takes a humorous slant on everything and we loved it.
• Garlic and Sapphires by Ruth Reichl: Amazing if you love food and/or have ever eaten in New York City. It's equally as entertaining if you dress in drag or like wearing wigs.
• The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls: I loved this book. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, whatever that may look like, you'll appreciate this book (is there such thing as a functional family?). Honest and original. I would read it again if I didn't have so many more on the list.
• Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen: Honestly, it was mildly entertaining... but more than that, it pissed me off. I could have written better. Not a total waste of time but supremely frustrating for someone that thinks that he could make a living doing the same thing... if I do say so myself. Time to get typing.
  

Ryan has also been reading and would also like to give a review... of, um... what he's read... so far... on our trip... (*cough, cough*)...

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• A Year In Provence by Peter Mayle -Thanks for the recommendation Dalyn. It seemed like an appropriate book given our itinerary but my god, this book was like watching a film rather than a movie - a Merchant/Ivory film, too many words, too much character development. I made it to page 38 (in 3 days) before I had to move on.
• Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher - I saw her on The Today show promoting this book, She is a total nut ball and I needed to have the book. Read one sentence, didn't really grab me....had to move on.
• My Booky Wook by Russell Brand - I am in love with Russel Brand and I record every appearance he make on TV. I also love his DVDs. This book was written for the UK market and has tonnes of asterisks' explaining every British reference. Read to page 23... had to move on.
• Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris - Now this book is funny. I read to page 77 in one day and laughed like a crazy person by the pool this afternoon. Thankfully, I was laughing in English and the people around me didn't know what was going on.

Tomorrow we leave for Reims, France . It's the home of Champagne and only 717 k.m. away. Good thing, or I might be super bitchy:

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